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I’ll sum up my review with one sentence:
I was more moved and excited with the trailers that preceded the movie than I was at any point during the movie itself.
It’s a boring superhero movie.
It’s less than two hours but managed to feel so, so much longer.
Michael Morbius as a person is flat and one dimensional.
The main villain is silly and doesn’t come off as a real threat in the slightest.
The story is mind-numbingly simple.
There’s a romance angle that’s just there as if it were some box to be checked.
The characters as a whole are mediocre and forgettable.
Morbius as a super-human, the reason why you buy a ticket for this sort of thing… Underwhelming. What you see him do in the trailers is pretty much all he can do.
Part of the problem may be that most of the action scenes are either obscured by darkness or blurry streaks of color that also obscure the action. It will slow down for just a moment to show you a character’s pained reaction, but it carries no weight because you have no idea how that character was injured in the first place.
I could say more but honestly, I just don’t care.
Rating: D Spend the money on a Disney + subscription, watch the first episode of the new series Moon Knight instead (A+) and spend the other hour engaged with your kids or a loved one.
Really.
For the completionists, save it for home video.
*There are two mid-credit scenes and NO post credit scene.
To fully understand the scenes, you will need to have watched Spider-man: Homecoming and Spider-man: Now Way Home.
Thanks for reading.